


Girls' Night

by linaerys



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-21
Updated: 2013-12-21
Packaged: 2018-01-05 10:25:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1092789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/linaerys/pseuds/linaerys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amy, Rosa and Gina have a girls' night that does not go as planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Girls' Night

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fivefootnothing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fivefootnothing/gifts).



**Captain Holt’s Office, 5am**

Amy squints under the fluorescent lights of Captain Holt’s office. It is too early for this, and also far, far too late.

“It was Gina’s idea,” she says. She swivels her head to glare at Gina. 

“Your girls are showing,” says Gina. Amy looks down at her chest, and tugs her hair forward over the way-too-much skin that’s showing. She’s already learned, over the course of this evening, that pulling up the dress is just going to reveal too much south of the border, until she’s engaged in a tug of war with herself and this stupid dress. Rosa’s like ten feet tall—how does she own a dress this short? And how did she convince Amy to put it on? The captain was _not_ supposed to see her looking like this. No one was supposed to see her looking like this. That particular inch of skin is something she saves for the third date, after an acceptable goodnight kiss.

The captain sits back in his chair. Amy really can’t read him, as much as she’d like to, but she thinks she detects a hint of a smirk. A smirk at her expense. 

“Nuh-uh,” Gina’s saying. “You’re the one who said we should have a—” she makes finger quotes “—‘girl’s night.’”

“Yes,” Amy replies. “That part was my idea. But we were supposed to sit around in our PJ’s and—”

Rosa scoffs and interrupts her. “And braid each other’s hair? No thank you.”

“I don’t care whose idea it was,” says the captain. “Just tell me what happened. Or I can ask all of you separately and fire whoever I think is lying.” He does that extra enunciating thing that shows he’s serious. Amy can read that one.

“That won’t be necessary, Captain,” says Amy with as much brightness as she can muster. She gives Rosa and Gina what she hopes is an intimidating look. “When Rosa got bored, she said she wanted to ‘go find some people we don’t like and beat them up.’” Rosa grins, and settles in back her chair, like Amy just gave her a compliment or something. “So we compromised.”

**Amy’s Apartment, 9pm the night before**

Maybe it was _Magic Mike_ ’s fault. It seemed like a good movie for a girl’s night, even if the slick Tampa décor in the movie made Amy feel even more self-conscious about her own old fashioned taste.

“I am _not_ going to a male strip club,” Amy protested, after they both had convinced her to try on one of the dresses Rosa brought. She looked suspiciously from Rosa to Gina to see if she could detect some conspiracy between the two. She couldn’t imagine Rosa having any discussion that involved dresses, though. Rosa was wearing her trademark leather, with very little skin showing, and she probably still looked sexier than Amy had ever looked in her life. 

Not caring makes that easy, Amy thought gloomily. She was drunk enough, on the way-too-sweet apple martinis Gina had made, to be honest with herself about that.  
“Well, I’m not staying here,” said Gina, gesturing around at Amy’s apartment. Amy stumbled over to the couch and adjusted the antimacassar laid over the back. 

“Come on, you guys, we’ve only been doing girls night for, like, an hour,” said Amy.

“Yeah, and it sucks. We’re going,” said Rosa.

“Wait, don’t you want to beat someone up?” Amy asked.

Rosa smiled, slow and scary. “Who says I can’t do both?”

**Hunkomania, 10pm**

Through some magic, probably Rosa intimidating the host, they were seated at a table right next to the stage. Immediately, a shirtless kid, maybe college aged, but Amy doubted it, with a soft, but trim waist rising out of ill-fitting leather pants, brought them a round of shots. Kamikazes for Gina and Amy, a whiskey for Rosa.

“Why does she get whiskey?” Amy whined. “I can handle my brown.”

Rosa glared at her. “I thought we agreed no one was ever going to say that again.”

Amy shrugged.

“Shhh, shhh, the show’s starting,” said Gina.

Amy had to admit, the stripping wasn’t that bad. Of course, she spent half the time looking at her lap, because the embarrassment was a little too much. 

Rosa wore a superior expression that didn’t crack until the third act, when the stripper on stage dropped an audience member on her back. He played it off, fake humping her on the stage where she had fallen, but Rosa had seen, and she smiled.

Gina bought a lap dance from the baby waiters, and was trying to put her hand down his pants. He didn’t seem to mind much, grinding on her in a way that made Amy unsure of whether she wanted to puke or be turned on, so she turned her attention back to the stage.

Most of these guys were too muscle-bound for Amy’s taste, but this one who had just come out had narrow hips disappearing into the top of his—were those supposed to be ski pants? Yep, he had a ski pole he was dancing around and the background was a stock photo of the Alps, complete with a blur of a badly erased watermark across one snowy slope. 

But this guy, he had a wicked grin, and eyes with a slight slant to them. She was staring. She wanted to look away, but she couldn’t. He crooking his finger at her, while Rosa and Gina pushed on toward the stage. The hottie, who had green eyes, and skin that looked (and felt) like coffee with heavy cream, held out his hand to her.

Maybe he could tell she wasn’t the kind of girl who wanted to be humped on stage, because his dancing with her was a little more subdued. The setting projected on the screen had turned to the inside of a chalet, and now he was lying her down on a conveniently placed (fake) bearskin rug, and the booze running around in her veins was making her dizzy, as was this guy’s skin, so soft and smooth over the lean muscles…focus, Santiago.

From this vantage, she had a good view of backstage, and she saw two men arguing, tugging a brown wrapped package between them. One was definitely one of the strippers, and the other was an older, more portly gentleman.

The performer was definitely humping her now—so much for the idea that she didn’t come off like that kind of girl—blame Gina and this dress. He took her chin in his hands and forced her to look back at him. 

“You didn’t see anything, okay?” he said in her ear, a menacing tone that killed whatever leftover charm he had. Maybe Rosa would be turned on by this. Amy was grossed out.

“Get off me or I’ll—“ arrest you, she had been about to say, but he wasn’t the one doing the deal “—I’ll scream,” she amended. “I don’t like to be threatened.”

He lifted her up again and set her on her feet, dancing in close to her again. “Whatever you thought you saw, you didn’t,” he whispered in her ear. “They’ll kill me.”

Amy shot him a skeptical look before he led her back to her seat. She hurriedly told Rosa and Gina what she’d seen.

“I should arrest them,” said Amy, crossing her legs and putting her hands on her knee.

“Nuh-uh, bad plan,” said Gina.

“You just want Jake to win our bet,” said Amy.

“You will definitely have sex with him. And it will be hilarious.”

“Don’t listen to her,” said Rosa. “You’re drunk. I’ll arrest them.”

“You’re drunk too.”

“No, I’m not,” said Rosa.

“You drank as much as me.”

Rosa gave her Cheshire Cat smile. “I guarantee I could pass a sobriety test right now. And a Breathalyzer.” 

“I saw them,” said Amy. “And I need the arrest. Do you know how far ahead of me Jake is right now? I really don’t want him to win. I really want his car. I really don’t want to go on a date with him.”

“Afraid you’ll sleep with him?” said Gina, sucking on the straw of her new drink, which was an alarming shade of blue. “Been there.”

“You’ve slept with Jake?”

Gina shrugged.

“Whatever,” said Rosa. “The captain is gonna kill you if you arrest him. I’ll do it.”

**Captain Holt’s Office, 5:15am**

“So Rosa arrested all three of them, or tried to anyway,” said Amy. “Guess she couldn’t handle her brown as well as she thought.” At Rosa’s disgusted look, she hung her head in her hands. “I don’t know why I keep saying that.”

“I don’t either,” said the captain. “It’s disgusting.”

“That’s not what happened,” said Rosa. “Amy was begging me not to make the arrest. She said we’d come back tomorrow when we were all sober.”

“That’s the first smart thing I’ve heard from either of you,” said the captain, looking between Rosa and Amy.

Rosa looked chagrinned. Amy wished she had a camera to capture the expression. It wasn’t too different from Rosa’s usual expression, but Amy thought she detected a difference in the beetling of her brows.

“So how did it happen, Detective Diaz?” the captain asked.

**Hunkomania, 12:00am**

How it happened was Amy ran backstage, tripped on her heels, and landed on the floor, bruising her hip and knee. Rosa jumped over her, with Gina flailing behind them, yelling, “The police are coming! Save your beautiful, beautiful abs!”

**Captain Holt’s Office, 5:17am**

“But I got them, Captain.” Rosa almost looks like she wants to smile. One look from the captain and her mouth goes stern again.

“Yes, and compromised up a long-term undercover operation by this department,” says the captain.

Amy rests her head back in her hands again. “That’s why Gina was yelling?”

Gina makes a smug face. “Mmm-hmmm. Why does no one listen to me?”

“Because you’re a shallow, vapid—” Rosa begins.

“Hey!” says the captain. “That’s enough of that.”  
“I knew he was undercover because I’ve been processing their paychecks, okay?” says Gina. “Y’all should listen to me more. Why’d you arrest him anyway? He wasn’t the one doing the drug deal.”

“He threatened me,” says Amy, pouting. “So what are we going to do?” she asks Rosa, _sotto voce_.

“Fix it,” says the captain. “Hitchcock said hi to Detective Jefferson on his way in here. His cover is blown.”

“So it’s Hitchcock’s fault?” says Amy. “I don’t see why—” Captain Holt cut her off with a glare. “Okay, fine, we fix it.”

**Amy’s Desk, 5:20am**

“How are we supposed to fix it?” Amy asks.

“Break the case open. Make the arrest of the owner this time, not the low-level guys. Make it stick,” says Rosa. As if that’s going to be easy.

“What arrest?” Jake rolls his chair over. “I am very good at making arrests. Ten more arrests than Santiago, in fact.”

“Go away.” Rosa kicks his chair and he goes flying across the room again, before crashing into his desk and landing in a heap on the floor.

Gina prances over, gingerly stepping over Jake. She leans her palms on Amy’s desk. “I could help you.”

Amy’s head hurts. She’s still in Rosa’s stupid dress. She needs a shower and a ten hour nap. And some fried food. “Haven’t you done enough? You couldn’t have told me he was undercover?”

“Yeah, that would have gone well,” says Gina. “Yelling about an undercover cop. Always a good move.”

Rosa scowls. “She’s right.”

“Ugh, I know,” says Amy. She needs to get her contacts out of her eyes _now_.

Rosa stands up so she can loom over Gina. “So how are you going to help?” she asks. “The guy we’re trying to get is the owner, who is super paranoid after your arrest-happy night.” This she aims at Amy.

“My night? You were there too, okay?”

Gina looks unintimidated by Rosa’s looming. “There’s only one person in this police station who could infiltrate a male strip club.”

Jake finally sits up from the floor. “Me.”

Amy shoots him a dirty look, but she knows what Gina’s getting at. “The sergeant. Oh God. I don’t want to ask him.”

“Don’t worry.” Gina twirls her hair. “I got this. Terry loves me.”

Amy can’t hear anything from Terry’s office, but she can see Terry flapping his hands and looking like he wants to jump up on his desk to get away from Gina, before he comes charging out of his office. 

“Okay, I’ll do it,” he says. Gina catches up with him and starts petting his bicep. “Just keep Gina away from me.”

Amy claps her hands. “Really, sergeant? Thank you!”

He shrugs. “My wife always said she thought it would be hot.” He shrugs. “When do we start? Do I have time to get a set of handstand pushups in?”

Amy frowns. 

“Yeah, it’s cool,” says Gina. “Lots of time to practice. You don’t have to audition until tonight.”

“I do not want to know how you how know that,” says Amy. She puts her head down on her desk.

**Hunkomania, 11pm, 5 days later**

“I didn’t know I could tired of naked men,” says Rosa, after the fifth night they’ve been in the audience.

“I’m not,” Gina volunteers.

“Why are you even here?” Amy asks. “At least Rosa and I are getting paid for this.”

“Oh, I’m getting paid,” she sucks on her straw. “Best case ever. Overtime and naked men.”

“Why?” Amy asks.

“To keep an eye on you two losers,” says Gina. 

Amy can’t even argue with that. She leans over to Rosa. “So, Terry really thinks they’re going to make the exchange this time while he’s on his set.”

Rosa frowns. “We think they suspect him?”

“Terry’s not exactly the subtle type,” Gina offers. “That’s what I love about him.”

“Why do they let him dance, then?” Amy asks.

Rosa scoffs. “Have you seen him? Why wouldn’t they?”

Amy’s been trying not to look. “What do we do?” she asks.

“We could just go back there,” says Rosa. “I’m tired of this.”

“Nuh-uh, you’re gonna blow it all again,” says Gina. “I’ll get us invited back, then if we don’t see anything, no harm, no foul.” She beckons over the waiter she had her hands all over the first night, whispers something in his ear as she slides a rolled up fifty into the front of his pants, pushing it down nice and deep.

He blushes and grins.

“How old is he?” Amy asks.

Gina shrugs. “Legal. Or with a good enough fake to work here.”

Sure enough, he comes back five minutes later, and beckons Gina to follow him. Amy and Rosa stand up.

“Just me,” says Gina. “Sorry.” She gives them a fake frown. “If something’s going down, you’ll know.”

Amy fumes, wishing she could make her face look as murderous as Rosa’s. Terry’s almost done with his set. Amy knows because she’s seen it ten times now, with two shows a night. Every night, Terry’s sworn the deal is going to go down, and every night it hasn’t.

Finally, the waiter comes stumbling out of the door near the stage with lipstick on his chest, spelling out “See?” and then an arrow pointing down.

Rosa almost laughs. “See? Things are going down.”

“Ew,” says Amy.

She tries to walk nonchalantly to the stage door. They sneak inside and walk out to the loading dock, just in time to see the money changing hands. Perfect timing. Ugh, Gina. 

“You want the collar?” Rosa asks under her breath, as they get ready with their guns, and check the exits. “I don’t want Jake to win either. Bros before—you know.”

“Ugh, no, thank you, but you can have it. I don’t deserve it,” says Amy.

“Neither to I, really,” says Rosa, making a face.

“We can share it,” Amy offers.

“Gina should really get it,” says Rosa.

Everything looks good. Now is the time. “God, don’t tell her that. She’s bad enough as it is.” She bursts out from her hiding place. “Freeze. You’re under arrest.”

She and Rosa grab the guys and force them down to the ground. Terry and Gina join them just as they’re putting the cuffs on.

“Nice work, detectives,” says Terry. Amy turns to smile at him, then wishes she hadn’t. He really isn’t wearing enough clothing. “Especially you, Gina.” Gina tilts her head and does a little curtsey. 

Gina’s pretty little waiter joins them next. God, he looks young in the harsh light of the loading dock. 

“Did I do good?” he asks.

In answer, Gina grabs him and kisses him. It starts to get kind of heated. Terry clears his throat. “What, you jealous? Marco doesn’t mind sharing,” says Gina.

“I’m pretty sure that waiter is under age,” says Terry. “We should go unless you want me to arrest you for statutory.”

“I’m not!” Marco pipes up. “I turned eighteen yesterday!”

“Yesterday?” Gina squeaks.

“Let’s go,” says Amy. “This was the worst girls’ night ever.”

“I don’t know,” says Rosa, smirking at Gina, who still looks a little embarrassed. She gives Terry a long look up and down. He’s still wearing just socks and a thong. “It had its moments.”


End file.
